Christ · depression · encourage · love · poetry · relationship · Uncategorized

Blood Boils

 

My blood boil and my heart aches

I feel alone yet surrounded by many

A part of my fractured heart has given up on help coming.

I’ve become acquainted with showing friends and family a smile.

 

Yet my blood is boiling and keeps on boiling. I don’t know why maybe this is who I am. That the lie I tell myself.

I search this life for answers to cool down the hot magma that rises in me.

 

I’m afraid that one day, that lava will spill to those who live in the valley below. They praise me for the mountain that I am, for the soil and nutrients that I bring to their life’s and are blind to the dangers that I bring.

 

I am angry and don’t know why at times.

Maybe it’s the family dysfunction that causes the magma to swell up or the disappointment that tore my heart in times past.

 

Yes, the ocean is my hope.

You bring the wind to cool me down when I’m about to erupt. Your wind comforts my soul. Your water seeps into my entire being and restores me to a dormant state.

 

I yearn for the days when your high tide comes to my mountain shores. You bring the promise of hope and salvation, the village could not save me for they do not see nor know what lurks under the mountain.

 

The ocean is coming and the day has been set. For you promised to come to save me from all that I feel. Ocean you are vaster and greater than a single mountain you cover the earth and bring balance to what exists.

 

Lord my ocean I wait for you to save me.

From the pain l, the loneliness, and especially from my self. Teach me oh ocean to love myself. Like the peace exists in you the depth and with of love that you possess. Consume me for I desire to be one with you.

 

 

 

 

action · faith · insecurity · inspirational · life style · relationship · stories

The trail of the ‘unfortunate Three’

This is a tail about three young people, by the names of Jessica, Collins and Nomsa. This Story speaks about three characters that have been through difficult ordeals in their lives. From whose life’s, we will learn life values as well as the importance of mercy and grace in a time in the world where we rarely see. As well as look into biblical concepts of what is a new start and how does it look like.

It all been an in a small town of Thohoyandou, were three young students by the names of Nomsa, Jessica and Collins, whom surprisingly attended the same primary school together. In the beginning of the school year 2016 there were big government people who made the lectures and principle quiver in their boats, it was unnatural for them to do so which got everyone’s hairs up.  It was later explained to the students that the government people who were roaming the hall ways of campus where actually from the Department of Education. Tshedza Secondary School was under review to test its performance and how to better or help the students as well as to achieve their best performances. The sad truth was that although most of the students had great potential many of them come from tough backgrounds and family life at home was not as simple for them. Their home responsibility impacted their end results even though it was not from lack of trying. Over time The Department of Education assigned a local school counsellor to set up a test that would test the chances of a student’s likeliness to succeed in the future. So it was done.

Nomsa, Jessica and Collins were one of the students who wrote the assessment test. They got to discovery what matters most to them, where they see themselves in the future. These three students had great aspiration for their future. Nomsa, a brilliant student who scored top in her class, aspired to be an attorney to serve justice to those affected by criminal injustice. Jessica had a passion for art just like her assessment pointed it out. She loved singing with all her heart and soul. She loved literally anything to do with fashion and clothes and her long-time dream was to be a singer/actor/entertainer. Collins, a shy kid who prefers to spend a majority of his time in front of a good book or in his imagination. He secretly dreams of being a great writer, who will be in New York’s bestseller list.

Two years later had passed, and it was as if the Department of Education had never visited the humble school, Tshedza Secondary School. School facilities were improved and the school was left better off after the departments visit. Better yet a spark was lit under many of the young students whom only began to discover their life’s purpose. In the quiet, the embers of light still flicked in some students, three in particular by the names of Nomsa, Jessica and Collins. At this time they were in there final year.

Nomsa, still brilliant as ever was scoring the top of her class, doing well in class. In that year everything seemed to be going perfect. But home was a different problem: she was not as wealthy as many of her classmates, every day she would have to cook for her little nephews as well as do her own work. Her mother was a single mom and worked two jobs, just enough to pay the bills and take care of her children, she would often say to the kids “you are my purpose for being” with a big fat smile on her face.

Nomsa later that year manged to pass her matric very well and also got two distinctions, her mom just like many other moms was filled with joy. The following year letters came flooding in and it was from the different institutions that had accepted her to study law. She was happy and it seemed like the whole world was up for grabs. As they say “good news is seldom-ly followed by a cloud of bad news.” Her mom lost her second job and could not afford to pay for her university fees. As much as it pained her mom, she asked Nomsa if she could stay the year till everything was better. Her walls were crashed at that moment but she knew that her mom needed her. She held her chin up and wiped her tears off her cheeks. This seemed like the end for our little Nomsa.

Now Jessica our young art lover, on her matric year she had many hurdles she had to overcome. By this time she was a musician in her own right, even though she was still learning the game. She would save some of her allowance money and at times find ways to raise money in order to have enough to pay the studio to record some of the original songs she would write. Jessica was all about following her love for singing and anything linked to the entertainment industry. She would often say that “music is her plan A and there is no need for a plan B.” In her matric year just after writing finals, one decision she came to regret changed her life.

She was pregnant! On the news of that, there was a dismayed and heartbreak knowing the reality of her situation she would soon have to give up her love for music. She was now a young women without a plan. Luckily for her what played on her side was that she did well in her matric and with the support from her loving yet not totally understanding parents, the future was not lost for her. The future was no longer as certain as it was in the past, now it was just full of many twist and turns with no clear destination.

Collins being Collins, it seemed that the stars had already stacked the deck towards his favour. Although he was not the most vocal in the class or the best looking, he had a beautiful mind that would change the world one day in the future. Collins managed to do well for his matric and completed his university studies in journals and from there his future was bright as ever. Collins through the years of writing finally found out that what he needed most was what he lacked. He did not have confidence in his own work. He once attempted in writing a book that sat in his apartment on his bedroom drawer. No one has ever laid eyes on that book. Collins was what we call a closet writer. A young man full of unlimited potential kept hiding.

A decade had passed and all the school had was having a ten year reunion for the class of 1998. Many students had come from all around the country and a few who where working oversees. They all come to the small town in Venda named Thohoyandou, which was the home for many of the former students. This was a time to come together and celebrate their accomplishments, and others to show of their success.  It came about that Nomsa, Collins and Jessica were all present at the Thsedza school reunion.

There were old high school clicks setting together and the first person their eyes zoomed too was to Jessica. She was known by most of the classes, the girl most likely to succeed because of her pregnancy in her final year. She was stunning and had on the white glamorous dress which was glittered when light caught its reflection. It was rumored by some that she was married to a rich man, but that wasn’t just it. Jessica’s story continued after that metric year.

She was at the bottom of a hole with no sight of a better future. She now had new responsibilities, with her pregnancy she was no longer as naive as she use to be, she could not fully follow the plan she had set for herself. Many of her music promised record signings disappeared when they had heard that she was pregnant. Jessica did not let that one set back keep her down, through her family support she managed to study a degree in sound engineering. During her studies as a hobby she released singles online all the while juggling being a single mother. She eventually got a noticed by Matevhu & Chila Records and was signed by them. They were the biggest music production company at the time. Jessica went on to make a name for herself in music and nothing could stop the dream and heart she had for music.

Nomsa was there on that day she had had a smile which brightened up the room. She was sitting in a corner having a conversation with her old friends from class. She told her story to her friends, she never had the best of circumstances like the rest of her classmates, at such a young age she had to take care of her cousins. She acted like a mom figure way before her time. Nomsa’s mom had lost one of her two jobs during her matric year and this meant that Nomsa would not be able to attend university that following year, despite her great marks. The following year after her matric year she would stay at home taking care of her cousins, but for Nomsa she had not lost faith, she would constantly apply for bursaries and learner-ships at different companies so that she would be able to go study criminal law at the University of her choice. Though many of her class mates have moved on, and also surpassed her she remained strong and kept on fighting for her own future. Nomsa would often say to herself more times than not, in moments where hope seemed bleak “Greater is He that is in me than he that isin the world.”

Nomsa managed to get the bursary that she was hoping for. Over time she became the successful lawyer she dreamed she would be. She was married and had two wonderful children who were the apples of her eyes. She was the happiest human being in that class reunion she would tell her friends. It’s the difficult times that shaped her to the women she is today, she said with a smile on her face.

Collins too was there at the reunion sitting in the corner of the room. He was not as shy as he used to be. He was a journalist for South African News Bulletin. He was accomplished as a writer. But because he never polished his writing skills in poetry, storytelling as well as writing fan fiction. So Collins dream never came to fruition, he only reached half of his purpose. Still a men living in his own mind, full of imagining and wonders. Collins had forgot the dream that he once closely held close to him.  For some reason Collins was not living a fulfilling life. He managed to do well for himself. He was rich and had all the things money could buy him. There would always be that one thing that would never be able to point out that kept him wondering.

The story of the unfortunate three turned our well in the end. Fate was not on their side but through dedication and hard work they curved out a path for themselves. Even though not all achieved all that they intended too from the start. They came a long way in the journey they were walking. Life is never fair, but what you make of it is what matters. Dreams that we thought had died where revised, adverse circumstances that would have hindered many where conquered. These three stayed true to who they were and to the values that they had. In times when the world swallowed them and spit them out, they came to see grace and mercy in their life that purled them to their destiny.

Christ · encourage · faith · health · life · love · Uncategorized

Presence

Lord to see more of you and know you

Is my heart greatest dream.

You are the one think I thirst for.

The bread that I grieve above all bread.

I thirst for being one with you.

To know you as I know my being.

 

May it be known that I no longer three but four parts in you.

I have a body, a soul and a spirit

& now I have your Holy Spirit whom is God.

 

Abide in me and I will abide you.

Ever draw near to me and I will to you.

You neither forsake nor leave me.

You are ever present God.

 

 

poetry · Uncategorized

Numb

I have become numb to feeling.

From the top of my head to the soles of my feet.

My eternal clock is on flight mode.

People live life yet it passes me by.

There are moments in the day

Where I capture joy.

Like the firefly’s in the night sky.

At times I’m numb to feeling.

Other times, my nerves bust with Joy.

Is the middle ground between both extremes?

Yes, where joy and life’s struggles collide.

Without struggle there will be no growth.

Without despair, we would not know what joy is.

There is no need to be numb to feeling.

That what life is, everything that surrounds us.

Take in and breathe the sweet aroma of life.

Let it move from the top of your head to the soles of your feet.

Express your deepest pains to your greatest joys

From your heartbreak to your greatest love.

The pain is fluting feeling and only last a moment.

But love is there to stay a lifetime.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God · poetry

Hanging on a tiny thread of Hope

When I go to sleep, I wake in different places.

I find myself standing in a grave yard alone.

Its cold empty and dark

No sign of hope.

 

I begin to sink in the grave.

Despair takes hold of me,

My body numb and frozen

I no longer have strength to fight death.

 

Now even in my wake death follows me

You now begin to suck the joy out of my life

You are no longer a dream but a reality.

Friends don’t know, how my soul pains

 

Hope is far from my sight but I still see

A sigh glimmer at a distant.

Now in my wake I see death everywhere

The storms are closing me in.

The sea is pulling me under.

The hangman ties a noose on my neck.

 

I prepare to take my final breathe

The light that was only a glimmer has enveloped me.

My bones are filled with new strength.

Wings grow from my back, and lift me up.

 

The noose on my neck breaks

The deep water lose their hold over me

As my wings lift me to new heights.

 

When I now go back to sleep.

The grave is gone.

The cold has left.

And Death is nowhere in sight.

 

 

Isaiah 40:29-30

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak

Even the youth go tired and weary and the young men stumble and fall. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength

 

[There are times where we don’t even know what we are going through, Or why we are going through what we are going through, but our Hope in God is what helps us get though it]

 

Kindness S

life · poetry · Uncategorized

Tick tock

life is never easy they say.

I say life is a fickle think

Here at one moment and gone the next

in its beginning its a joy to have many days ahead

near it s end we fear we have run out of time

 

Death will one day visit is all

and when he comes I will greet him

with a smile, because I would have made the best

of my NOW, My TODAY AND MY TOMORROW.

 

 

Life is short worrying yourself to death about things we have no control over, instead of making the best of the time we have now, today. Lets not forget to hold dear the things we mos value and are with living for

 

 

love · poem · poetry · relationship · Uncategorized

battlefield of love

I’m fighting a war, this war does not take place on a ordinary battle-field. But in another plain. The heart. I war with the questions of, what is love? And exploring the edges or the difference between words like infatuation, lust and love. As if I am walking on the edge of a blade and as I get to find my answers its feels like I ever closer for falling on my own sword. There are those who dwell in the world, whom fear love, others see it as a weakness and a few see it as a strength. For me, I realized that it is Love that makes us human. And without it, we have no humanity but become like the beasts that walk the earth, lost and alone without love.

life · poetry · sports · Uncategorized

My Marathon

What can I do, when I can’t run?

What to do, when I strayed off the trail path?

What do I do, when I have no strength left?

 

I keep running!

I get back on the path!

I find greater strength and keep running!

Keep on going, keep on running till I see The Pearly Gates.

 

Finding Nemo : “gotta keep swimming”

Heb 12:1-3

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.